Friday, February 11, 2011

Tough Choices

I'm scheduled to leave in 5 days.

However, I've decided to stay longer. This is a tough choice, I really miss Margit and sweet Gracie, my own bed, my good friends, the bitter cold... well maybe not so much the cold.

A few nights ago I had 3 vivid dreams that were related with the message "pay attention, you are missing something". I'm not usually a big dream interpretation guy -- I'm lucky if I can remember any of them, let alone 3 from the same night. So, that alone was intriguing. When I woke up, all 3 dreams came flooding to my consciousness along with the thought: I need to stay longer. So I've spent the last few days seriously considering it. Talked to Margit, talked to my support group back home (including my MN TCM doctor) and talked with a few patients here.

Today my Doctor returned from Spring Festival / New Year's vacation. She was concerned with some regression of the progress we had been making before she left. I've had some difficulty swallowing, some issues with dry mouth, more fasciculations and even some cramping. Also, a grip test of my right hand showed a 10% decrease in strength, after seeing an 18% increase just a few weeks ago. All of these symptoms have been well under control for the last month -- but I've slipped a bit.

This is not uncommon, there tends to be a 3 steps forward, 2 steps back effect that can happen with concentrated treatments. As the body adjusts, much like eyes in a newly lit room, things normalize.

My Doctor was concerned that I would be leaving in under a week, so we started to talk about how much longer she thought I should stay. 4-6 weeks longer seems to be the consensus. This isn't a huge surprise. Before I came I was told to plan on 3 months. Now it looks like that will be the duration.

I could leave now, most of the symptoms are back in check. But given the dreams, the Doctor's advice and my desire to catch as much traction as possible on these treatments -- I've decided to stay.

I had the tough conversation with Grace this morning. She was very sad and it was a difficult time. But she is strong and brave and she knows her daddy loves and misses her dearly.

I've restored the donate button to the blog. Please do not feel obligated, but if you are called -- financial support is welcome. Your prayers and sweetness to my wife and daughter are also much appreciated.

With much love and gratitude,

  dta

8 comments:

sharon said...

David, you follow your heart consciously and it will take you to where you need to be.You are on a mission, not just for yourself, but for thousands of others who will be able to learn from your journey...yes, it is a sacrifice for you and your family...but that makes it even more wonderous an act of love. I hold you in the Hoop of Creation, and speak your name to the Creator of all things.
I will journey with you in ther Spirit!
Hoka Hey, Namaste, pax, shalom , Peace

sharon said...

This song is for you David

"You Raise me Up

When I am down, oh my soul, so weary
When trouble comes, and my heart burdened be,
Then I am still and wait here in the Silence
Until you come and sit awhile with me.

You raise me up to stand on mountains
You raise me up to walk on stormy seas
I am strong when I lean upon Your shoulder
You raise me up to more than I can be…"

Jurene said...

I love it when dreams tell us what our reality should be. And, I love it even more when people are brave enough to make the reality...real.
sending healing energy...
~dream

Mom said...

Don't ever second guess yourself. It usually ends up wrong. Always have faith enough to trust your instincts and your dreams. I had four in my life that I knew were life changing, three came true and the forth did not happen. The forth, which recurred six times while you were young, didn't happen because I never let you were yellow swimming trunks. Trust in your instincts!! I know the song Sharon talks about, I have it recorded on the TV and I play it anytime I need strength. It is an amazing song and brings tears to my eyes EVERY TIME I hear it. You can feel yourself being lifted up!!! You will never have this opportunity again, stay with it and in the long run you will be thankful for the extra time it will allow you with Margit and Grace. Be blessed and be strong and I will send extra prayers to Margit and Grace, don't you worry. I love you.

Kevin said...

It is obvious you're doing the right thing and wondrous that you are having the experience you are. The former comments ring loudly with truth and love. You are working for thousands right now, inspiration being the first of many gifts you are granting.

You are the shit David.

Thank you.
Love you.

K

Kevin said...

oops
sorry I cussed. I was all emotional and stuff.

Love you.
K

leela said...

glad for your decision david. my love to you as you continue to journey inwards. leela

bkg said...

yes, complete your task at hand. i love you and your family. I am curious about the dreams. I have had a few that I listen to. Margit and Gracie were here for a feb bday bash sledding party. the snow is wonderful, the hill long and the laughing of joy healing for all of us. be well as you uncover your life journey one breath at a time. I will the same.